Today we walk with Peter through his courage, betrayal, and desolation at the cock crow. Have patience, please, as we make this journey today. The music is heavy and severe and the themes are difficult and challenging. But Bach has strategically placed soothing moments that show empathy for the sufferer and offer consolation. We will look together at both the difficulties and the consolations, and then suggest a process and practice to bind them together.
The piece to which we will listen today (performed by the Munich Bach Choir, long before Almut sang with them) follows Jesus through the trial in front of the High Priest, his mocking and condemnation, and then tells the tale of Peter’s three fold betrayal (31-38c). It begins with an Aria “Geduld, Geduld” (Patience, Patience) sung from Jesus’ perspective during the trials. It asks for patience in the trials we have to bear. But after this point, the musical tone of the section is full of masculine purpose and drive, relieved only once by a poignant chorale “Who has struck you so.” It is wearying to listen to and perhaps that is the point. As we listen to Caiaphas interrogate Jesus and proclaim his guilt, the mood and music make his power evident but also suggest that it is malign. And the chorus of the scribes and elders as they condemn and mock Jesus sounds more like a mob than a trial. Then the following narration and portrayal of Peter’s betrayal continues with frantic energy until the cock crows and Peter weeps. It is difficult listening, but compelling nonetheless.
We live in a time of lies and betrayal. One finds it every day in the newspaper from leaders and followers alike. It is most easy to recognize it in others, but we are reluctant to see our own betrayal hidden in our good intentions. That we betray our own ideals, those we love, and our God, is the specter that walks with us all as a part of our shared humanity. It is difficult to look at, and we often do so only when compelled. But Bach compels us here, and we see betrayal everywhere.
Betrayal by false witnesses. We too live in a time of false witness on our national stage but also in our own homes.
Betrayal in the High Priest who thinks he is saving the nation and punishing a blasphemer. The best that can be said is that he kills another prophet to the nation of Israel. The worst is that he does not recognize the divine in a peasant/prophet who stands before him.
Betrayal by the Scribes and Elders who are caught up in the orchestrated movement of righteous anger, like the mob who will later cry “crucify him!” We too find such orchestrated outrage in the newspapers and media and on our facebook feeds.
And of course, betrayal by Peter who follows Jesus after his arrest with reckless courage and sneaks into the servants’ area to overhear the trial. But he then finds himself overmastered when the curious maid and other servants call him out as a follower of Jesus. Three times he says “I do not know him.”
In the end, in the midst of all this betrayal, Jesus is left alone to face his unjust trial, condemnation, and death. No wonder he asks for Patience in the beautiful aria that begins this selection.
And Peter? Peter too is alone in shame and defeat. He of course has betrayed Jesus. But he has also betrayed himself and his courage. The hardest betrayal to recognize and to bear is our own. It is why so often we dodge it. But sometimes it cannot be denied. The cock crows, the scales fall from our eyes, we are exposed by chance or circumstance, and we see our humiliation. We are not who we thought we are. This is a deep wound, piercing as deep as our soul. It cuts us lose from our self-deception and pride. And we weep bitterly. The keening and rocking run of the notes at the last two words in our section, “weinete bitterlich,” give us this feel of the desolation of self-betrayal.
And here lies danger. The shame leads us to hide. We withdraw, we do not want our wound so exposed to others. Peter also has gone into hiding. There are many later scenes, but Peter is in none of them. There are even some brave disciples at the cross, but not Peter.
“If we can manage to hold our regrets gently in front of the God who loves us, we can receive consolation and healing.”
Our selection today leaves Peter in his despair and weeping. But, as we will see tomorrow, Bach’s genius places the beautiful aria ‘Erbarme Dich” (Have Mercy) directly after this scene, and even repeats the phrase “Weep … bitterly” but this time with an important difference: the singer’s “eyes and heart weep before you bitterly.” Before you. Before God, not in hiding, is where we find mercy. If we can manage to hold our regrets gently in front of God, or to weep over them in front of the God who loves us, we can receive consolation and healing and the strength to continue. On Thursday we will explore again this spiritual process of turning back to God to seek mercy
But for today, listen to the driving energy and misguided use of power in Jesus’ trial, and to the despair of Peter, until he cries bitterly. It offers a container for our own shortcomings and failures. Let us hold it together:
The trial and Peter’s betrayal, from Bach’s St. Matthew Passion. Performed by the renowned Munich Bach Choir under the direction of Karl Richter in 1971.
Practicing imaginative prayer with Peter.
A classic form of meditation on gospel stories comes from Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits. To practice imaginative prayer, you place yourself within a gospel story, imagining yourself as one of the characters. In this instance, after watching the entire selection, move the slider at the bottom to begin at the story of Peter again (the scene starts after the chorus at 6:45). Light a candle or arrange a small place for yourself. Breath quietly for a minute or two. Then watch and listen carefully to the story.
Now comes a time of creative imagination: project yourself into the story. You could be Peter, or the maid, or just a spectator hovering over the scene like a dreamer. But you must get close. Smell the smells, feel the dust in one's nostrils, see the ways the hands move and the eyes glance, ask a question of, or say something to, someone in the story. Imagine the words of one of the characters in your mouth. Perhaps that you say “I do not know him.” And when you are struck by something -- joyful, afraid, disgusted, sad -- then pause and come close to that thing to discover why. Hold it gently before the God who loves you. Finally, after this immersion in the story, sit resting with whatever insight it brought, and say a prayer of gratitude.
May you find God’s mercy there.
This post is the 3rd of our Passion Week Consolations 2020. To enter our virtual gathering space click here. To share your thoughts with us, write us here. To Offer Your Gift, click here. If you are looking for personal consultation, visit our PathFinder.
Peace and Blessings, Almut & Chuck
