Snow ever so slightly floated to earth today, adding a fresh white cover to our winter landscape here in MN. Watching it gracefully fall, I felt a deep longing to leave this year with all its pain and sorrow behind, just like the snow covers the land under a thick white blanket, dampening the noise, breathing fresh crisp air into the old. Now the fresh snow paints a new landscape over the old, leaving just the bare outline of the weathered and worn past, not simply covering it, but transforming it into beauty, redeeming the past.
It is a fine image and reminder of the task before us, on this shared journey into the 12 Days of Christmas. We are approaching another threshold, walking towards the night where the old and the new year meet. A spiritual practice we teach in our retreats is that of pausing within the threshold to gather up the past and anticipate the future. One can do this literally as one enters a room, to become present to what the new room offers, or metaphorically at the beginning of a new task or time. So in the next days we invite you to walk along with us towards the threshold of the new year, pausing today to gather up the past and survey the future, followed by a long breath of pause at New Year's Eve (with a blessing from Bonhoffer), and then welcoming the first day of the new year with replenished spirits.
Gathering up the Year
We invite you to a time of recollection in the hope it will help you reconcile with a painful year. You can do this on a long silent walk, or by looking back on your reflections of this journey so far, or by taking some time to look with kindness on your life using the practice we provide here.
Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish spiritual writer, draws the image of life's journey in one of his "Upbuilding Discourses" by introducing us to two internal guides provided by providence: One who calls forward, the other who calls back.
“Life must be understood backwards but lived forward...”
The two guides are not in opposition, but work together to shepherd us on the way. The one who calls back looks with clear eyes on the past, on its pain and on its consolation. The one who calls forward reveals with hope the small clarity we might have about the future. Together they guide us on the way, not mired in regret, irresolution, or despair, but instead chastened and encouraged for the journey.
Our task as pilgrims at this threshold is to welcome both guides, the one who calls us forward, and the other one, who "coming along afterward, laboriously gathers up the experience."
You likely know how easy it is to get stuck with just one guide or the other. We are often so worried about our future that we miss to live in the present time. Sometimes we are so lost in regret for failings, or sorrow for losses, or outrage for injustices, that we forget about our hope for the future.
We have been swallowed this past year by manic news cycles and often overcome by existential angst. What has gone missing is the breathing space, a calm place of peace and quiet, where we allow ourselves to be, and to be alive again.
And so the present time, the pregnant moment, the only fleeting time we really have, is when we are able to walk forward while, at the same time, taking our past experience with us. Thus, at this threshold to the new year, when the old has not yet passed and the new has not yet begun, we take this pause. Our guides, if we embrace them, will help us to redeem the year and to cradle hope for the coming one.
A Practice of Recollection
Here are some questions for you as you approach this threshold. You might do this practice at one sitting, or across several days. Find a quiet place to journal, perhaps with a candle and a glass of wine. Sit comfortably as you write your reflections and reactions to these questions. Remember, we are on a threshold. From here, we can follow our guides and look both back and forward. We are safe here, with guides to counsel and protect us.
A. Your guides
Now imagine your guides. What do your guides look like, who are they? Do they look forward or back? There may be more than two.
Can you give each a title? Worrier, Complainer, Striver, Hunter, Visionary, Warrior? Pilgrim, Sage, Helper, Navigator, Mother, Monk?
Where do you find the wise voices, how can you hear them? What do they call you to do?
B. Looking back.
What experiences surprised, challenged, or enriched you? What gifts, surprises, blessings, or joyful moments can you recall?
What changes have you lived through, what transitions or journeys, and what insights did you gain from them?
For what are you grateful? What are you still struggling with?
C. Looking ahead.
What do you want to take with you into the New Year? Which experiences, connections, or relationships do you want to build on?
What are your wishes or hopes for the New Year?
With what or whom do you want to make peace, leave behind, or give closure?
What call is there to renewed commitment or action?
These questions take time. If you are not done at the end of the time you have, make notes that will help you return. Then plan a time to return to this reflection. And end your current time with a pause to breathe and hold gently your gratitude, sorrow, anger, or joy.
Blessing
For a blessing as you take up your task, we offer this verse from Rumi, the Sufi Muslim Mystic:
“People are going back and forth across the threshold where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”
This post is part of our 12 Days of Christmas Series 2020/21: Cradling Hope, a Contemplative Journey towards the heart of Christmas. You can still enroll and follow along. To enter our virtual gathering space click here. To share your thoughts with us, write us here or comment below. To offer your gift, click here. If you are looking for personal consultation, visit our PathFinder.
Peace and Blessings, Almut & Chuck
