Tools for Waking the Inner Monk
Many years ago, as my wife Almut and I were having breakfast at St. John’s Abbey in Minnesota, we saw at another table an acquaintance from a previous visit to the Abbey. We struck up a conversation about our shared experience there and our longing for the kind of life we felt there. Toward the end of the conversation, Almut said to him “I think there is an inner monk within you, waiting to be welcomed.” We all smiled at the image. And the memory is sweeter because one year after that episode, we attended the Oblation ceremony of this person, where he dedicated himself to the process of finding his inner monk.
This is a metaphor that has stayed with me. Almut often encourages me to “find my inner monk” when some difficulty is facing me. And it has become a kind of guide post as I feel my way forward. It calls me to a deeper integration of wisdom ways into my life and to reflection on what kind of a person I want to become.
The Inner Monastic
The phrase “the inner monastic” makes for a nice word picture of the goal of spiritual formation for all of us. But it is not a cartoon monk or nun slumbering on your shoulder, waiting to be asked questions. It is more an image of a goal, an image of the kind of person I want to become. Each person will have a different version of this image, but they should all share certain aspects, e.g. compassion for others, the self, and a longing for God.
St. Benedict wrote his “little rule” as a guide to the path for those wanting to search, in community, for this inner image. For those of us who want to use his insights outside of a monastic community, figuring out how to apply his rule to our lives is complicated (of course, living it in a monastic community is also dreadfully complicated…).
But our image of our own inner monastic can be a key that will help us unlock the door to the path, and a compass to guide us as we navigate our lives. For anyone who has a passing familiarity with monasticism and who shares a longing for God, this inner monastic image is easy to build. But it will always be shaped by our prejudices of the true goal, our limited experience, and our own psychological needs and fears. So our progress toward the goal, and even our conception of the goal, will always be skewed, and will require constant revision. I am not myself far along on this path, but I have talked with and read many who are and they all say the journey never ends.
A Process of Becoming
So here we come to the hard part. Reaching the inner monastic is a process of becoming. It is a process of continual revision, of loving self-correction, and of honest self-compassion. It’s basic building blocks are the cultivation of attitude (e.g. of longing, of proper detachment), of knowledge, (e.g. of particular practices, but also knowledge of oneself), and of skills (e.g. listening, self-critique) that together help to form one’s way of being in the world.
I have been recently writing and talking about this metaphor, and have decided to begin a series of posts on the process of crafting one’s image of the inner monastic, under the rubric of the attitudes, knowledge, and skills one needs to practice to follow this way. Here, I provide a short summary of the categories.
Let’s start, as in the story at the Abbey, with the attitude. The story starts with the attitude of longing for God. We desire inner peace, calm, joy, and the presence of God. Most of us have some of this longing for a sense of awe, comfort, belonging, or peace. This, for many, is a driving factor draws us deeper into monasticism. But the process of achieving it, of satisfying our longing for God, requires at least two other sets of attitudes. One group of attitudes needed are about the self. These are attitudes that promote appropriate and effective self-reflection and self-renewal. They include a clear-eyed view of the self and a desire to put in the effort to better the self. Then there are attitudes about the other. Here we have the teaching of Jesus: “Love God with all your heart, soul and mind.” and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Some monastics I know have started with this compassion for others as the central force in their pilgrimage.
But these attitudes alone will not get us there. We must have some knowledge of the way and then actually walk it. Knowledge of the way can be found in the long history of Christian monasticism. Experienced practitioners have long written helpful advice for the weary pilgrim. It contains encouragement, much wisdom about human experience, failings, and possibilities. And also consolation when one falls and needs to get up and try again. This knowledge can also be sharpened by current work in psychology about personality, the self, and moral self formation. I hope that by combining these sources in a few essays we may have a more clear view of the obstacles, opportunities, and tasks that lie before us in our quest to wake the inner monastic.
And then one must practice walking the way. Again, monastic history provides us with a wealth of specific practices one can adopt that help to train, to support, and to guide us as we try to practice the presence of God. The individual practices or approaches to personal spirituality are not simple tricks, but instead are the tools we use to constantly shape our real embodiment of the eternal, of a true self, and of our care for others. The tools vary widely from the 30 days long structured Jesuit Exercises to the simple practice of the presence of God while washing dishes. All athletes know that practice is best done with a coach. The same is true with spiritual practice. So practice requires at least this much community. But it also requires the sharpening stone of those other with whom we are in daily contact. Our success, failures, and frustrations in our social world can be taken as opportunities for practicing the way. The great theologian Bonhoeffer has said that one cannot be alone if one cannot be in community, and one cannot be in community if one cannot be alone. True practice requires a focus on the self, and on others, and on the self with others.
Over the next year, I hope to begin a series of posts on these aspects of waking your inner monk. But you needn’t wait for me. Find a spiritual director you can trust and work faithfully with them. They can guide you, and help pick you up when you fall. Practice walking the way. Inexperienced as we all are, we must begin where we are, using the practices, internalizing the knowledge, adopting the attitudes as best we can grasp them. Then, of course, try again when it does not work. And continue even when it seems difficult and dry.
A Blessing
Begin where you are.
Fallen, broken, discouraged, lost
and practice some small
piece of grace for your self
a short prayer
or just bowing to another
Practice it with your whole heart
or with just the pieces you can salvage from the wreckage
And may God accept your tainted offering
and give it wings to fly.
Then, begin again.